3/24 Second Life Discussion about My First News Draft

[19:00] Charlotte Mohegan: maybe we can start on Ocean's
[19:00] ko525252 Shelter: thanks Charlotte
[19:00] ko525252 Shelter: OK~
[19:01] Charlotte Mohegan: you can tell your story first
[19:01] ko525252 Shelter: so who will be the reader?
[19:01] ko525252 Shelter: editor and what?
[19:01] Charlotte Mohegan: organizer
[19:01] Phoebe Isenia: organizor
[19:01] Phoebe Isenia: reader
[19:01] Phoebe Isenia: and u the writer
[19:01] Roxanne Kristan: wirter
[19:01] ko525252 Shelter: OK~
[19:02] ko525252 Shelter: cool!!
[19:02] Phoebe Isenia: ocean can you send the complete transcrip to me
[19:02] Phoebe Isenia: thank you~
[19:02] Roxanne Kristan: i want it too
[19:02] Charlotte Mohegan: I will be the editor
[19:03] Charlotte Mohegan: how about you guys
[19:03] Phoebe Isenia: reader!!
[19:03] ko525252 Shelter: OK~via MSN?
[19:03] Roxanne Kristan: writer!!
[19:03] ko525252 Shelter: ar u on MSN?
[19:04] Phoebe Isenia: yup
[19:04] Roxanne Kristan: yes
[19:04] ko525252 Shelter: my computer seems broken~
[19:05] ko525252 Shelter: wait a second~
[19:05] Phoebe Isenia: but i suppose ocean's article so he's already the writer?
[19:05] Roxanne Kristan: ok
[19:05] Charlotte Mohegan: yeah Roxanne is the organizor
[19:06] Phoebe Isenia: ok then let's read the article first
[19:06] Roxanne Kristan: haha
[19:07] Roxanne Kristan: ko
[19:07] Roxanne Kristan: can you send me the whole transcript
[19:08] ko525252 Shelter: OK~wait a minute~
[19:08] ko525252 Shelter: my computer seems going to explode!!
[19:08] Roxanne Kristan: thamks
[19:08] ko525252 Shelter: sure~haha
[19:11] Roxanne Kristan: where is WRITER
[19:11] Roxanne Kristan: that is where we should upload
[19:12] Roxanne Kristan: ?
[19:12] Charlotte Mohegan: ??
[19:12] Phoebe Isenia: pardon?
[19:13] Roxanne Kristan: http://journalisticwriting.blogspot.com/
[19:13] ko525252 Shelter: ??
[19:13] Roxanne Kristan: see here
[19:13] Charlotte Mohegan: what's your point
[19:14] Roxanne Kristan: March 24th--Peer Revision Session in SL
[19:14] Roxanne Kristan: see this
[19:14] Charlotte Mohegan: we already saw it
[19:14] Phoebe Isenia: yes
[19:15] Phoebe Isenia: and we're doing that now
[19:15] Roxanne Kristan: it said that the organizer should post things to WRITER
[19:15] Roxanne Kristan: what is the WRITER?
[19:15] Roxanne Kristan: it's my point
[19:16] Charlotte Mohegan: on writer 's blog
[19:16] Charlotte Mohegan: that's what the prof. mean
[19:16] Roxanne Kristan: um....
[19:16] Roxanne Kristan: i see
[19:16] Roxanne Kristan: haha
[19:17] Roxanne Kristan: i thought it is a new kind of blog
[19:18] Phoebe Isenia: but how can the organizer post the things on the writer's blog?
[19:18] Phoebe Isenia: i mean if they are not common users
[19:19] Charlotte Mohegan: so maybe the teacher want us to be the common users
[19:19] Phoebe Isenia: then we can not post anything on the other's blogeer
[19:19] Charlotte Mohegan: we could add each other later
[19:20] Roxanne Kristan: ok
[19:20] Charlotte Mohegan: I think Ocean's news has a trait which is that your sentences are very long. is that on purpose?
[19:20] Phoebe Isenia: ok~
[19:21] ko525252 Shelter: hi~I am back~
[19:21] Charlotte Mohegan: oh ~finally has your computer OK?
[19:21] ko525252 Shelter: no~but sometimes it just becomes long~
[19:22] Charlotte Mohegan: alright. I want to ask your very last word"motion"
[19:22] ko525252 Shelter: perhaps I should have some shorter sentences to balance out
[19:22] Charlotte Mohegan: what does that mean?
[19:23] Phoebe Isenia: and i am confused that is the combination realized or not?
[19:23] ko525252 Shelter: I want to change the phrase "set in motion" into "sip in motion"~
[19:24] ko525252 Shelter: haha~try to play on words~
[19:24] ko525252 Shelter: give it a twist~oh my
[19:24] Phoebe Isenia: ohh perhapd we don't have that sense
[19:24] Phoebe Isenia: but what does set in motion mean...?
[19:25] ko525252 Shelter: it means to start something
[19:25] ko525252 Shelter: If I don't remember wrong~
[19:25] Charlotte Mohegan: I see
[19:26] Phoebe Isenia: oh i c
[19:26] Phoebe Isenia: but i can't look up the phrase in yahoo dictionary so sorry
[19:27] ko525252 Shelter: perhaps we can try google~
[19:27] Phoebe Isenia: so can i raise some question about the content?
[19:27] ko525252 Shelter: it should be "set sth in motion"
[19:28] Charlotte Mohegan: go ahead
[19:28] ko525252 Shelter: sure~go ahead~girl!
[19:28] Phoebe Isenia: your article is really clear in the 1st paragraph
[19:28] Phoebe Isenia: to be honestly. i feel a little bit difficult with the second paragraph
[19:29] Phoebe Isenia: of course, one reason is that some sentences are too long
[19:29] ko525252 Shelter: because it's not clear~~?
[19:29] Roxanne Kristan: maybe you can summarizr for us
[19:30] Roxanne Kristan: with short and simple sentance
[19:30] Phoebe Isenia: yes
[19:30] ko525252 Shelter: sure~it's my pleasure~
[19:30] Phoebe Isenia: and so we can give you some advice
[19:30] ko525252 Shelter: first~
[19:30] ko525252 Shelter: I lay on the table the three
[19:31] ko525252 Shelter: drinks~
[19:31] Roxanne Kristan: yes
[19:32] ko525252 Shelter: and then that each three has its own feature~
[19:32] Phoebe Isenia: you mean Awake Tea Latte, Earl Grey Tea Latte, and Rose Fancy Tea Latte.?
[19:32] ko525252 Shelter: yes~
[19:33] ko525252 Shelter: and then go on to say that~
[19:33] ko525252 Shelter: in theory~why would this campaign be successful~
[19:34] ko525252 Shelter: for TW~
[19:35] ko525252 Shelter: because 1.TW is open to new ideas~
[19:35] ko525252 Shelter: 2.TW has cultivated a grab-and-go culture
[19:36] Phoebe Isenia: sorry what does grab and go mean?
[19:36] ko525252 Shelter: that people would not sit for a long time drinking tea~
[19:36] Phoebe Isenia: oh i see
[19:36] Susie223 Chun shouts: ?
[19:37] ko525252 Shelter: and 3.TW has been in love with tea for centuries~
[19:38] Roxanne Kristan: it;s much more clear
[19:38] ko525252 Shelter: all these with coffee's kick would be perfect~
[19:38] Roxanne Kristan: yes
[19:38] ko525252 Shelter: yeah~~thanks~
[19:38] ko525252 Shelter: oh my
[19:38] Phoebe Isenia: yes
[19:39] Charlotte Mohegan: that 's would be absolutely clear~
[19:39] Phoebe Isenia: i thin you can add these three clear standpoints in the paragraph
[19:39] Roxanne Kristan: i agree
[19:39] Phoebe Isenia: that would trongly help
[19:39] Phoebe Isenia: strongly*
[19:39] Roxanne Kristan: i have a little advice
[19:40] ko525252 Shelter: OK~thanks guys~
[19:40] ko525252 Shelter: The lines after "In theory"
[19:40] ko525252 Shelter: each sentence is a point mentioned above
[19:41] Roxanne Kristan: 10 minutes left
[19:42] Phoebe Isenia: you know the problem? because the sentences are too long
[19:42] Phoebe Isenia: hey organizor is our time ok?
[19:42] Roxanne Kristan: that's right
[19:43] ko525252 Shelter: but I am afraid of breaking the flow~
[19:43] ko525252 Shelter: the flow of the rhyme~
[19:43] ko525252 Shelter: haha
[19:43] ko525252 Shelter: what should I do~
[19:43] ko525252 Shelter: brake the sentences up~?
[19:43] ko525252 Shelter: break
[19:43] Phoebe Isenia: but without your further explanation as a reader, i hardly understand what u were talking about
[19:43] Phoebe Isenia: yes
[19:44] Phoebe Isenia: rewrite it
[19:44] ko525252 Shelter: OK~thanks~
[19:44] Phoebe Isenia: charlotte
[19:44] Charlotte Mohegan: maybe you can delete some words
[19:44] Charlotte Mohegan: such as " crowded landscape "
[19:44] Phoebe Isenia: The organizer keeps discussion on schedule and facilitates clear, concise, and specific peer discussions.
[19:44] Phoebe Isenia: it's your time are we keeping up the schedule?
[19:45] Charlotte Mohegan: Roxanne is the organize
[19:45] Charlotte Mohegan: organizor
[19:45] Roxanne Kristan: ?
[19:45] Roxanne Kristan: yes i am
[19:45] Charlotte Mohegan: I'm not
[19:45] Roxanne Kristan: keep going
[19:45] Charlotte Mohegan: she already said there is ten minutes left
[19:46] Phoebe Isenia: you mean ocean's part?
[19:46] Charlotte Mohegan: yeah
[19:46] Roxanne Kristan: why you think he has to delete those words
[19:46] Phoebe Isenia: oh sorry i though you were the organizor
[19:46] Charlotte Mohegan: because I think it is no nessesary to said it's a small land of Taiwan
[19:47] Charlotte Mohegan: the trend of grab and go do not have related to it
[19:47] ko525252 Shelter: I agree~
[19:47] ko525252 Shelter: the reason why i wrote "croded landscape"
[19:48] Phoebe Isenia: i think the time arrangement is weird each run has 30 min then we can';t finish all of us news before 12:00
[19:48] ko525252 Shelter: is because the grab-and-go culture is nurished from
[19:48] ko525252 Shelter: the crowded landscape
[19:48] Charlotte Mohegan: we will be more faster when it's our turn cause we already has some discussion last week
[19:49] Roxanne Kristan: if there is no question
[19:49] ko525252 Shelter: cool~
[19:49] Roxanne Kristan: maybe we move on to next news
[19:49] ko525252 Shelter: OK~~
[19:49] ko525252 Shelter: thanks everyone~~
[19:49] Roxanne Kristan: and rotate the roles